Welcome back ladies and gentlemen — oh how I have missed you all.

Joe Burrow, quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals. Photo via WikiMedia Commons

Normally we talk about fantasy football and sports betting (we are still going to talk about some bets), but today is a special day with the Big Game upon us.

Now, I could dive into the x’s and o’s and bore you with matchup notes by giving my in-depth analysis on the keys to success for both teams. However, we are going to go a different route.

Most of you reading this will more than likely be attending a Super Bowl party or at least watch it with a couple of close friends. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter.

I am going to be giving you my top three tips and tricks to make sure that you absolutely steal the show at your Super Bowl gathering.

Let’s get after it!

1. Casually bring up a stat that no one else will know

This is probably the most impressive thing that you can do, especially if you don’t know anything about football, and you are around a whole bunch of guys who won’t shut up about the $50 they have on the Bengals spread.

I’m also assuming that most of you don’t have the slightest idea of what kind of stat to throw out there, so here are a couple I have already prepared for you:

*The scene is you at a Super Bowl Party surrounded by a whole bunch of guys just oozing testosterone and can’t stop saying “Joe Shiesty” or “Joe Brrrrrrr”*

*You approach the group of men and hit them with one of these quotes*

“Hey, did you guys know the over/under is 27-27 all time in the super bowl era?”

“Hey, did you guys know that the underdog spread is 14-7 since 2000?”

“Hey, did you guys know that there have only been six times where the favorite won the game, but didn’t cover the spread? It actually hasn’t happened since 2000”

I guarantee that if you throw any of those out there, the people you say it to will be impressed.

2. DO NOT be obnoxious or try to engage in a long forms of conversation while the game is on

This is arguably the most important and number one rule for any Super Bowl gathering.

For the football purists like myself, there is nothing more annoying when the people who don’t care about football are being loud and obnoxious when the game is on and then quiet for the commercials. It is almost the equivalent of someone talking and yelling in a movie theater.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with having zero interest in the game itself, just don’t ruin it for the people who genuinely just want to watch the game and have waited 365 days for this game.

That means leave the Party Box speaker turned off — we don’t need to hear that new Lil Baby song while Matthew Stafford is going for a game winning drive.

3. Eat all of the food you want

Most of you probably don’t know me personally, but I am not a nutritionist. Therefore, some of you may hesitate to take my advice about your diet.

However, I do know what a good time looks and feels like and when everyone is ordering Dominoes and you try to say you want a salad, that’s just a vibe killer.

Treat the Super Bowl like Thanksgiving. When was the last time you ate “healthy” on Thanksgiving?

I know I said that the Super Bowl is mainly about football, but it’s just as equally about being surrounded by friends and family with a good plate of food in your hand.

Enjoy yourself!

Super Bowl Bets

It wouldn’t be a column by yours truly if I didn’t give you my Super Bowl bets.

As always, every bet that I write about I also have money on, so we are in this together.

Here are my favorite bets:

Matthew Stafford to throw a completion on his first pass attempt -220 ($80 to win $36.36)

I actually looked up every game log for the Rams this season and on every first passing attempt that Stafford has thrown this season, he is 16-20 (3 for 3 in the playoffs).

Cam Akers UNDER 16.5 carries +100 ($50 to win $50)

Akers only had 13 carries last week after fumbling twice against the Buccaneers in the divisional round. Darrell Henderson is also expected to be back, so I fully expect him and Sony Michel to steal some of those carries as well.

Joe Mixon to score the first touchdown AND the Bengals win +1200 ($20 to win $240)

This is definitely my favorite long odds bet of this game.

This is definitely within the range of possibilities of something that has a good chance of happening.

If you truly think the Bengals are going to win or just want to root for them, this is a bet I would throw a couple bucks on.

I hope everyone has a fun and safe Super Bowl Sunday!

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